Code: FAC 17

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Sex Machine

1 hr jamming, 30 mins lyrics brainstorm and 3 months gestation created the “Factory” favourite, pop-pickers. Basic drive created by Strangely during a jam one night using fuzzed LFO-controlled VCA‘d keyboards. After a few minutes Doomage had generated the killer guitar tune to go with it - a work of genius as it lends itself very well to multiple overdubs. The tune stayed like this for a little while when it was decided to add some words and do it properly. On the final released version, this involved a serious amount of guitar overdubbing and a few extra keyboard bleeps. Words added by Strangely, Doomage and Errol. Fatso thought of the first line “I’ve got a brand new pair of genes”. The lyrics “pinch” heavily from the “My Mum” song by Dudley Moore on the “Derek and Clive Come Again” record. They started off as a prediction based on scientific progress and the natural human proclivities towards sexual enhancement(s). Our initial idea was that amputees and the like could “grow” new limbs or organs to replace damaged ones in the same way that a cell, containing all the info needed for a person, changes into a foetus and then a human being. There must be something that stops human cells doing this as salamanders can grow new tails and the liver can regenerate when only a third is left. In the pub this soon degenerated into the words as they are and what would probably happen. The words are now becoming true as scientific fact, first as gene therapy and very soon now, as gene modifications and designer babies become commonplace, as a “natural” way to enhance the sex organs. After all, all men want bigger cocks and all women want bigger tits and smaller bums. It’s what we are..  However, it was a close run thing that the tune could’ve been based on Joan Crawford as we were quite fond of that track at the time as well.

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Berlin

Live recording. I’m not sure if it’s an early one done at The Bridge, Newcastle or a later one there or somewhere else. I remember a tape getting accidentally erased so that some plans had to be revised and decent stuff had to be done again. I’m 100% sure that beer was involved…

It’s a very simple piece that demonstrates the kind of jamming that was done live within a basic structure that could go on for any amount of time. For live recordings, most of the studio equipment would go on stage with the tape decks being used in innovative ways, different to their normal studio usage.

One thing IS for sure though - Ian Curtis of Joyce Division would never have volunteered his services to sing with Crawling Chaos.  It was indeed Strangely Perfect wot done it, guv.

Code: Foetus 4

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Remocarpet

Doomage inspired track based on a repeating C-A-E chord sequence played in 4/4 so that the chords appear to “rotate”.

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1078-1082

Doomage creation. Strangely vocals with spooky spoken words added by Doomage

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Oh Blasé

Doomage inspired chords and words. Strangely edited words to fit. First played live at an open air gig at Nenthead where it lasted about half an hour.

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Fatso Died And Likes It

Simple tune, very soon written as a vehicle to transport football piss-take joke words. It starts fairly hard and then drops for the amalgam of poorly heard football commentary rising to another climax.

After the first serious mix-down we all sat down to watch the TV with this track in the background. The news was on with the Heysel disaster, almost live.
The news item lasted the length of the track and was a perfect audio accompaniment to the terrifying scenes. The hairs rose on my arms for that.

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Trouty Hobin

Very disturbing. The madness starts here.
Holly created chord structure then everyone added a bit. Doomage created keyboard chords at end which Strangely played. Everyone seemed to switch places both playing and inventing the parts with this one.

Since reworked by Holly as “The Punk Trout” as output for his current project, The Symptoms.

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Comrade Dolphin

Strangely inspired to investigate what would happen with two notes a fourth apart changing to another two so that the low one goes down a semitone and the higher up a semitone, thus producing a fifth. Progressed  to completion while Strangely was in France and very nice it is too. Strangely intends to do it again with the original “hard” version in his head.

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Reg Vase

Doomage creation and one his finest in the opinion of the author. He spent about a fortnight working out every note for the multi-layered guitar-based track. Words added by Strangely for variety. They spell EYES by design.

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The White Sybil

Holly based track (inc trumpets!). Strangely synthesiser is two-tracked with two notes tuned by ear EXACTLY a perfect third apart, with levels adjusted to suit. This gives the strange sound as usually the normal third would be used which is slightly atonal but our ears are accustomed to it, hence the perfect third sounds odd. This coupled to exactly the same notes on the organ makes it quite weird.

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Yoni Suchon

Strangely originated. Doomage words (Yoni is rude, tut tut). Strangely plays keyboard through fuzz/VCA/echo as standard. Guitar power chorus. “Tengo mucho beber” is Strangely’s poor Spanglish for “I’ve had too much to drink”

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Curling Sandwiches

Doomage main vocals on a joint creation(?). Multi-tuned synth goes through VCA for plinkity sound. Pinky and Perky on guest vocals.

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Netwilf

Holly creation from Nothin’ days slowed right down for this effort, one of my favourite pieces.
Pamela’s Vile refers to Palmersville outside North Shields.

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Bosumptwi

Doomage creation. We never could find any vocal inspiration for this one without being corny.  Later tapes may have some.

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I Must Be Ambidextrous (I Can Smoke With Both Hands)

Holly music and words creation. The words refer to a (working) holiday he had in France when he ran out of dosh and was so hungry he seriously considered eating a packet of Henna hair dye he found on the street. Strangely’s harmony vocals made Holly smile.

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Comrade Dolphin (Reprise)

- pretty obvious from the title really.

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Me

Looking down, I saw that you are bleeding(,) awful.
Beginnings forgotten - the parts are a joint effort.

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I’ve received some extra information from Holly today with some extra photos that should be a bit interesting for those of a historical bent! Any descriptions are left to right.

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Van to nowhere. Strangely, Sue,Haircut, Clinka, Doomage

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In the back of a Manchester club (Electric Ballroom I think), waiting to find out which one.Holly and Eddie Fenn (Fatso) in photogenic mode, one of his finer poses.

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Typical Holly pose (mmm, nice top.) Foetus drape behind.

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Doomage & Chrissie. Angst. Something’s gonna happen soon here…

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Strangely and Doomage. This was a New Years gig down near Lampeter/Tregaron. Some guy from Hawkwind was there passing the joints around, which was nice. We slept in a farmhouse and I think this is us going for a walk in the morning.

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Newcastle University outdoor lunchtime gig. This is not long after Holly joined as I can spy a Wem Copycat. Hence the twiddling.
People are Holly, Billy Connolly (Gordon)(famous for drinking the warm piss in a beer can and not noticing), Strangely, ?, ? , Curly (Ligger) Jhon, ? .

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Pub liggers, let me know who you are..
I’ve got ?, Sally(prob), ?, ?, Bingo (Gareth), ? ,Maxine, ?

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Strangely Perfect pretending to be a tree. Hard to bear, hard to bear.

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There’s no order or sense to all this. It’s as it comes. All the music anecdotes are being moved to accompany the tracks as an entity, hopefully making a bit more sense. After that, this page will be repository of stupid things and remarkable feats - in other words, anecdotes, which will be added to over time.

Music:

Composition:

Info:

Loofas

A Nothin’ originated tune. The only significant difference is the addition of keyboards by Strangely, especially the start which is G major and G Dim alternating chords terminating with a Bflat major then B major chord.Apparently, one day Holly and Shieldsy were going to put some flowers on his grandad’s grave. On the back seat of the bus they were travelling on was a bag containing a loofa. The bus was the 442*** (Ashington to North Shields via Deleval). They loofa and flowers were left on the grave as a gift together. Nice.***the 442 is no more since 2007. It’s now the 12 and doesn’t go as far. This means if the words are changed it’ll be crap.

Gigs & Happenings:

Location	Info
Strangely Perfect memory of the Leigh Festival.This is the text of a posting I made here.	Angst in East Lancs Wasteland This was the banner headline in NME I think for the gig at the Leigh Festival. Either that or Sounds and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Sounds. Two things stick in my mind about the gig apart from it being freezing cold and there being no-one there. On the bus there were no toilets but there was lots of beer. So the empty tins were getting filled with piss (I think the bus only did one piss stop on the journey). Jeff had just filled one and Billy Connolly (Gordon) asked if he could have a drink because he was thirsty. So Jeff gave him the can and Gordon drank it remarking only, that it tasted warm The second thing is the fact that Crawling Chaos had a song called “Merry Christmas, Prince Charles” which Jeff and me wrote in my bedroom in 10 minutes and embellished over time. The song started with a long monologue from me backed by mournfull keyboard and guitar sounds and a few cymbal splashes. The gist of the “speech” was about a fictionalised personal meeting between Strangely Perfect and Prince Charles which I always made up on the spur of the moment. Leigh Festival had some toilets (I’d just been and they were to the right when viewed from the stage) and I fitted them into the monologue. An hour or so later, when we’d finished playing, this beautiful girl came up to me and started talking about the Prince Charles song (I thought I was in there as I naturally thought she was chatting me up…). She said “You know you mentioned the toilets where you saw Prince Charles?” “Yes?” I feverishly replied…. “Well can you tell me where they are ‘cos I’m bursting?” she deflatingly retorted with her question. Apart from that, we didn’t stay to see Joyce Division but we saw OMD and their spinny tape deck (we had one similarly but kept it out of sight)
Visit to Tony Wilson at Glossop: This is the text of a posting I made here	In this review of the 24 hour party people film, the author, Miranda Sawyer states So, the Tony Wilson of the film is constantly saying, ‘I’m a Cambridge graduate, you know,’ which the real-life Wilson doesn’t. ..er. That’s not quite true from my recollection , you know. Before “Sex Machine” was released by Factory we made a surprise visit to Wilson’s house in Glossop, (not the one in Palatine Road, Didsbury - that was another time when we got scowled at by everyone there except Erasmus and Wilson). Initially, Wilson wouldn’t let us in. But we knew he was in, by the car, smoke from chimney, etc. He popped his head through a chink in the curtains to see who was there, and when he saw it was a bunch of scruffs, let us in. It was a nice little cottage on the side of a hill and was a lovely sunny day. He told us “sorry… but I’m a bit worried after the Louis Edwards expose I’ve done on “World in Action” “. He presented/investigated for the show corruption in Manchester United and he thought the big boys were coming round to do him in. We got the picture from his end, this is someone’s view from Man U Trust. After that, we got chatting and smoking. He had a huge video collection with all the “So It Goes” tapes, which was nice. He was especially pleased to show us some old Tiswas stuff which he droned on about. During the stay, Jeff and him started comparing degrees e.g. “wot you get - oooh, a first! Where d’yu geddit - oooh Cambridge, oooh Newcastle” etc etc. At this juncture, some of the lads got bored and went to play in the fields. Me, the bleeze was too much and I passed into neverland. The point of all this; well he did go on about his degree and he was immensely proud of it.
Gosforth Hotel, Salters Road, Gosforth, Tyne & Wear	Site of early gigs on roster with The Noise Toys (TNT) etc. This is the pub where Chris Donald started his Viz mag.
The Russel Club, Mosside, Manchester	Site of the Gratton “joke”. JD didn’t play too bad. There were a lot of really scary black guys wearing floor length fur coats looking like they were packin’. I remember “Echo Beach” being played a lot between bands. When Crawling Chaos found that Joy Division weren’t going to drink their post gig pile of “Pils”, we stepped in and drank the lot. This was when Curtis came up to me and said: “Well, I’ve tried to speak to you lot, but I just can’t get on with you…” in a very gay way.. Curly Jhon gave him the ritual tirade of “Joyce! Joyce De Vision!” whence he walked off. Two weeks later he hung himself.
The Bridge Hotel, Newcastle	Site of first gig. Quite a bit was recorded here at various times e.g “Berlin”. First gig sucked Curly Jhon into into the fold. Doomage was really confident, so much so I was shocked by the looks on some audience faces. Strangely wore a home-made steel Viking helmet, borrowed from a biker bloke that lived in the flat below the Attic. He hung sanitory towels from the cheek pieces, dyed up to look used. It lasted two tunes as it was so fucking heavy; each time he tried to play keyboards it slipped over his face, bonked his nose and almost broke his neck with the weight of it. Last Exit played regularly there and thereabouts. One member was called Gordon Sumner.
Spectro Arts Workshop, Newcastle	Played a few times there. Nice and clean and white inside. This was the gig when Strangely realised that women didn’t hold all the sexual cards. As was normal at the time, Strangely would get his kit off down to his old man long johns. Whilst prancing around he became aware that all the women in the audience weren’t listening to the music, but just trying to get a glimpse of his willie if it popped out of the slot in the front (there were no fly buttons or other closure devices).
Guildhall, Newcastle	Played as part of a big “Rock Against Racism“/”Anti-Nazi League” event. Other bands included The Mekons and X-o-dus. The Crawling Chaos played and the next lot came on. After about 10 minutes, an infiltration of thuggish types charged through the crowd, poured onto the stage and backstage as well. Strangely was pushed backstage while trying to shut the doors and hid under a table. Dozens of police arrived. A burly copper replied to me when I answered his question with “It’s a rock against racism event. It’s supposed to be peaceful.”"That Peaceful!” It’s more like a bloody war zone here”. Fatso got hit on the head with a fire extinguisher although someone said they’d seen a speaker flying through the air in his direction. The legend continues. He got CIC money though.
Penmaenmawr, North Wales	Fuckin mushrooms and beer.On the way to play at a nurses home in Wales, the hire van broke down just north of Tebay (where the services are now, more or less). While waiting for a replacement, a field of magic mushrooms was espied. Everyone started collecting “for later” but most put one in the pocket, one in the gob. By the time the new van arrived everyone was spaced out, possibly ‘cos we woz threatened by a big guy with a shotgun at the old Tebay services . I have a lasting vision of Clinka strutting round lane one on the M6 with a cardboard guitar, getting nearly killed by the traffic.After stopping for (more) beer in Runcorn (luxury), we arrived at the nurses home, carried the gear up loads of stairs, set it all up and then went into a dark room for 12 hours without playing because we couldn’t see anything as there was too much spurious visual input.The next day we were still spaced out. I was shivering like mad in a crap seaside cafe thinking I was going to die. I think I took about 1000 magic mushrooms of the good firm snot-like variety, about a large handfull. It’s the only time I couldn’t tell if my eyes were open or closed, that night. A severe excess ? Fucking bad.
Durham	Crawling Chaos played a youth club in Durham and left the postering to other folks - fatal mistake, although they didn’t do anything we hadn’t done previously.However, the local burgers of that city haven’t quite forgiven the Viking pillagers from the North yet and so took offence at having various green GPO connector boxes, lamp-posts and walls plastered with our advertising (which included contact details!! (twit).In Wallsend, the local coppers paid a vist to Fatso and Harry and hauled them off to the nick where they gave their names as Doomage Khult and Errol Dynamic, amusing the desk sargeant greatly.He soon saw the ruse and we all ended up being charged, summonsed and then visited Durham Magistrates Court where I was told to stand up straight and take my hands from my pockets by the Clerk of the Court. The “Post Office Installations” figured many times in the charge sheets which were read out completely to each of us, to which we all pleaded guilty and were each fined £1 for each offence and £5 costs. That was £11. It seemed to take about an hour.So that was that then.
Hamilton Hotel, Whitley Bay, Tyne & Wear	This picture from this page shows a pic from an attic looking down South Parade. The Hamilton has changed names several times since Crawling Chaos got chucked out for being too loud.It was down on the left of South Parade heading towards the sea. The Rex Hotel is visible as the last hotel on the right before the sea. It’s still there.A gig was arranged and I organised a magician old school friend called Dave Brown to do a spot in between our two sets. Unfortunately, the owner woman found the music too loud and offensive (she should have guessed by our name, doh!) and called the police as we refused to stop playing until we were paid. A big burly sergeant turned up with a bit of backup ‘cos the place was pretty packed. I put on my diplomatic hat and arranged for us to finish with a couple of quiet numbers, then the magician to do his spot, and then we’d get paid and go. I remember Doomage and Fatso getting pretty fired up for an argument. We must’ve looked like good punk-bad punk to her, poor red-lip-sticked woman. The big old sergeant asked her if this was okay, in a reasonable voice, she aquiesed, and the agreed events passed by.So that’s what happened. Extra info here.

like getting locked up in Ashington nick because of the chalk and cheese
brothers….

like the chalk and cheese incident later on the same night with the van door
dropping onto a copper’s foot in Tynemouth….

like the pissed up gig at the Rock Garden in Covent Garden….

like the gig at the Moonlight Club that led to the ridiculous slagging off by Adam Sweeting (can he play anything at all?)….

like the fight at the Manchester’s Electric Circus as a clash of personalities erupted between guitarists (no beer spilt tho’)….

like the Manchester tour where at one gig Fatso forgot his drums so we just miked up beer trays and mats for him…

like the fight at the Electric Ballroom, London when Macky got walloped by one of The Monochrome Set . “And quite right too” - said Holly in a recent email to me (2 Dec 2007).

Strangely Perfect Disclaimer

• Crawling Chaos does not court obscurity, and never did.
• The author is striving to reach the truth in a historical document as he sees it of the events over the Crawling Chaos years.
• The author will publish other different opinions and versions over truth if informed, as there are as many views of history as there are participants involved.
• All information on the site is from the author’s memory and any comments or clarifications should be addressed to the author on the contacts page.
• New information, photos, audio and video is always welcome to build a complete true history of Crawling Chaos.
• Extra information will be given due credit or otherwise, subject to that persons wishes.
• There is no intention to slander any parties. However, if anyone has behaved like a twat then they’re going to be fucking well reminded about the cunting fact on this site.  Sometimes, being a twat is not time-dependant.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo,Nam Myoho Renge Kyo,Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

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Disclaimer Notes and Clarification on the Terminology and Epistology of Pitmatic(Geordie) Nick Names.

In the quest to completely explain happenings from some time ago, I’ve decided to be myself and explain fully things from my own viewpoint. This is sometimes best done using the language and feelings from the particular area in which the author grew up. This is based on Pitmatic, a dialect of English, where several concepts are conveyed simultaneously by a variety of methods.

To an outsider, the words may seem crude, derogatory, blasphemous, libellous. This is to ignore the cultural heritage from which the young men of Crawling Chaos emerged. Pitmatic is well documented on the web, usually in a humorous self-deprecatory way.

For instance calling a person “Fatso” is in no way derogatory. It merely serves to clearly distinguish that person in a crowd, using a visual cue in this instance. If this person was in a crowd of fat people in a pub, then calling the name out loud would immediately call that person’s attention, not all the fat people, you can be certain of that. Now suppose time progressed and all parties involved aged and put on weight, “Fatso” would still be called Fatso unless a better circumstantial nomenclature revealed itself to all parties at the time.

Similarly, calling someone “Nance the Gobbler” invokes auditory and societal cues. In this case the young woman looked like she should be called Nancy and also, she really did give remarkably good blow-jobs, amongst other things.

It’s the way of the Geordie world.

Crawling Chaos Pictures and Graphics (and others)

certain quantum effects occur in all the galleries - it’s the nature of reality.

Crawling Chaos & Foetus Products Personnel, Helpers & Liggers, including those on Parallel Projects and Others Mentioned in the Text.

Nom de Son	Common Name	Instruments	Other Info	Key Phrase, Act or other noteworthy thing
Strangely Perfect	Martin Rees	Keyboards, vox, sax, washboard, engineering, composition, electronics, construction, producer	Beer and mushrooms. Produced home-brew which was “quite drinkable”	Chose the name “Crawling Chaos”. On the green tape.
Doomage Khult (Vex Drongo in Thee Earnest Kakas)	Jeff Crowe	guitars, keyboards, vox, sax, cellophane, engineering, composition, electronics, construction, producer	Beer and mushrooms TEK	Drank 1 litre of warm, stale chip fat. Agreed “Crawling Chaos” was a good thing and we should do it. On the green tape.
Davenport Haltonberry or Holly	David Halton	guitars, composition, mixage, vox, additional sounds	Beer and stuff. Arrived from “Nothin’” TEK	Hairy mole on neck (still!). Famously berated “A Certain Ratio” as “A Certain Pair of Tights” to shut them up.
Mister Excess Clinka, or Gazza	Garry Clennell	drums, composition	Beer and cider.	Clinked a lot due to habit of staggering fully loaded up stairs with cider bottles. His mother had their dead pet dog in restaurant freezer for a time (Alice’s Restaurant in Whitley Bay). Under the frozen chips.
	Gordon Douglas Smith	TEK	TEK	In Thee Earnest Kakas
Macky	Robert Macdonald	vox on Mummy’s Tummy	Argumentative nazi type	designed cover for “The Big C” and early artworks and photography and cover for Homunculus Equinox cassette
Straight Dave (Cookie)	Dave Cook	Bass	Left before output to public domain	got one neat riff right off that I taught him. Too straight for words
Steve Smooth	Steve Smith	Bass	Left before output to public domain	Knew when to leave. Too smooth for words
*****	Anth Chester	Vox, guitar,synth and jamming	gets annoyed when he’s not called “Anth” or if you mention plasterering.	Lent out house for second major studio location. Is “suck” voice
Ligger (Curly) John	John Smith	Is the self immoliator on the Homunculus Equinox cassette sleeve (Foetus cover up sticker censors area)	More Beer!	nae scran! Sucked in by key phrase “I feel, like a suicide’s death-bed” on Urbane Encounter at first gig at Bridge Hotel. Famously berated Joy Division calling them Joyce repetitively till Curtis cracked. Fan and devilled kidneys supplier
Errol Dynamic	Eddie Fenn	Drums, composition	beer and pile ointment	Shagged my sister. Enabled flat for first studio (”Sex Machine” recorded there.) Said “are you tonkin’ Caroline now?”. Pretty obvious really.
Billy Connolly	Howard Titchmarsh		Accidental drinker of piss.	Narrator of “The Baseball Bat Battle of North Tyneside”
George	George Linton	Drums, composition	came from Freak Electrik to help out
Bingo	Gareth Kingsley Marshall	bass and finger snips	Bingo’s dad, Alec Bedlington Marshall, did the Waqqaz artwork	cracked his head falling off his bike
Macho Johnson	Mark Johnson			Hung around a bit in the early days. Keeps appearing on photos.
Hippy Mick	Mick Paterson		Driver and dope fiend. Still probably hasn’t had his sacks emptied by Chrissie.
Haircut	Paul Shields	vox, scrumpled cellophane on “One More Peso”	Sniffed a lot. Immaculate powers of observation.	When asked why he was puking, he replied “I thought everyone was doing it”.
Sally	Sally Wilson	occasional vox. Performance.
Trube	Susan Truby	occasional backing vox
Keef	Keith Wear	drums on early efforts. Drums used by Errol Dynamic until they were “nicked”	Left before output to public domain (basically not a very good drummer)	Cycles. On the green tape.
Hippy Jeff	Geoff Kennedy		Drove van quite a bit, usually smashed.	Set up infamous all-night biker gig at deserted abbey on banks of River Wear. Ended up nicking all our mushrooms and then getting locked up in Durham Jail for a long time for dealing, man.
Bryan Sowerby	Bryan Sowerby	Drums,composition	Even bigger nose than Holly (says Holly)	ex “The Noise Toys” & The Hostages.  Drums on Waqqaz.
Dave (Weirdbeard/Pipsqueak)	Dave Pipkin	Drums,composition		Supported Brian May as part of STAN at Newcastle City Hall
Rob Pybus	Rob Joiner	Guest Sax	Solicitor for Inglejew, Bottrel, Roache and Pybus.	Sax addict.  Called to the bar.
Spug	Andy Douglass	bass	Played bass at last gig (Belgium).  Talented fucker who could play anything.	Last heard of driving at 50mph in a lorry
Yeti	Darren Yates	drums	TEK	He’s a great artist. In Thee Earnest Kakas

* Nothin’ - Nothin’

** TEK - Thee Earnest Kakas

Crawling Chaos History: Myths passing as Truth, revealed

Origins

The Crawling Chaos started in Ashington, Northumberland in the UK by two young men, soon to be Doomage Khult and Strangely Perfect who met at the local school, sharing an interest in astronomy, music, gloomy science and horror fantasy novels and science itself.

Doomage acquired a BSc Physics Hons (First Class) whereas Strangely, in one of his habitual depressions jacked his university physics course in to work and get money.

Skills in music and electronics coupled with the punk explosion in 1976 led them commit to the creation of a proper band together. Early 78 saw them setting up studio equipment and developing techniques, writing compositions but without a clear idea of personnel requirements. A reasonably clear idea of styles and attitudes was in place. At this time, other school aquaintances were keen but not really good enough to be partners. The name was chosen around then because it sounded good, it was a partial homage to H P Lovecraft and the Cthulhu Mythos he’d created and also Strangely had not managed to read it all the way through even after several attempts because he was usually too drunk to finish it. It also stood out from band names of the time and sounded dangerous and gloomy. This was the start of THE CRAWLING CHAOS although the definite article was usually dropped. The Crawling Chaos was supposed to be an actual creature of nightmares.

Mutual friends led them to end up dossing on the floor of Eddie Fenn after a drunken night at a Lurkers gig in Whitley Bay. The Attic Studios were quickly established in Fatso’s flat which included knocking a huge great fuck-off hole through from one room to the next. The mutual friend (Jim from Durrim), appears as the title but not the subject of the song “Wee Jimmy”.

Attic Studios

A recording and live performance band followed with a core of Errol Dynamic on (Keith’s) drums until they were nicked, Doomage Khult on guitar, Strangely Perfect on keyboards and vocals. Engineering, mixage and production were handled by Strangely and Doomage. Two bass players joined and left in rapid succession, Steve Smooth and Dave Cook.

The first gig was at the Bridge Hotel in Newcastle, near the Keep. On the first floor inside the bay window. (The picture was taken by Strangely in 2002). At this time the band were gigging at least twice a week in places such as The Gosforth Hotel upstairs with Arthur 2-Stroke’s mob, The Noise Toys, or Spectro Art Workshop down Pilgrim Street, Newcastle.

The “sound” changed during this period due to the demands of gigging from the original avante-garde free-flowing jams to include more tightly worked new wave pieces. The “sets” very often were created on an ad hoc basis dependant on the audience and how the band were feeling at the time. Numbers would be shouted out and with a few quick nods they’d be played. Sometime it’d be “JAM” and off we’d go.

Many of the coterie of helpers and followers of Crawling Chaos appeared at this time. It was (and still is) an unwritten policy for Crawling Chaos and their ilk to annoy as many people as possible. It is part of the pitmatic test. Survivors of the ordeal ended up as mates. Everyone was free to do their own thing. The only penalty would be ridicule if you did something daft.

The Nothin’ Connection

Following an advert in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle for a bass player, with the tag line “we are sick of straight jerks jacking it in”, Holly joined the ensemble. He and some school friends from Seaton Deleval, Paul Shields, Guzzle and Fen (Michael Fenwick) had a band called Nothin’ performing Holly’s music and co-written lyrics from Shieldsy. The Nothin’ connection would continue, some tunes becoming part of The Crawling Chaos’s repertoire and the bands (and other connections) performing on the same bills.

Introduction to Factory

Strangely Perfect played grass hockey for a team called Northumbria (now re-named|). One co-player was the newsreader from the local commercial TV station, Tyne-Tees TV (soon to start the influential show,”The Tube“). His name was Rod Griffith. It turns out that he is source for the Chris Donald character, Roger Melly, the man on the telly.

Crawling Chaos had organised a show at the Rex Hotel in Whitley Bay. Strangely Perfect asked Rod, semi-tongue-in-cheek, if he’d like to buy some tickets for himself and his TV chums. Bizarrely, about a dozen straight-looking TV types turned up, where they witnessed the normal show including Strangely stripping to his long-johns, Doomage alternately sneering at and showing off to everyone and Errol sweating a lot. After the show, one particular guy said he really liked the performance, to phone his mate and say that he, Tony Bulley, thought we were good and that his mate, Tony Wilson should give us a listen as he’d just started a record company called Factory Records. Strangely remembered Bulley was the director on the infamous Sex Pistols/Grundy live interview (I nearly always read the credits! ^reference), and also Wilson from his earlier time in Wales which was in the Granada TV area.

And so it goes, as Tony Wilson’s excellent show on TV was called at the time…

Factory Records

Demos were sent to Factory. Twat Hannett took an immediate dislike to The Crawling Chaos possibly because he had no control over the band apart from exerting negative forces from afar. He exploded in the end.

Tony was impressed and decided that they’d want to see us so he said if we could get to Leigh for a open-air festival he’d organised, (he DID say all this, that’s what he was like), he’d put us on. So we did. (these previous links contain interesting info on the business practices of Factory/Tony that have also emerged in other areas - we should have guessed then…The comments by Chris Miller are especially salient). (see here also - added on 31/10/2007)

We filled a coach from Target with our fans and went to Leigh. I think we were on just before OMD. This was the day that Billy Connolly drank a beer can of Doomage piss (he’d used it as a toilet) on the coach journey, remarking that the beer tasted warm… The day was a typical absolutely freezing bank holiday, audience minimal but reaction good despite the conditions. The subsequent headline in a UK music paper was “Angst in East Lancs Wasteland” which was about right considering the situation on a disused dark grey pit heap (this is no criticism of the real organisers or the area; it’s just the way it was). Tony’s blagging did get us on though as there were a heap of bands that didn’t pass Mrs Miller’s selection process! I’ve posted an article here about a visit to Tony Wilson’s house in Glossop.

After much delay due to Arty-Farty Wilson and the other creative media types having control over the sleeve design the single “Sex Machine” was released. The control was such that a highly expensive metal embossing master was needed to pump out the cardboard. This was reputed to be £700 alone at 1980 prices. The first run sold out in less than a fortnight pushing the record close to the top of the indie chart despite the embossing being flattened out when the records were stacked up at the warehouse.

They were so cash-strapped that another batch couldn’t be made until they got some Joy Division money in. So the £700 master was a complete and utter waste and the fast sales and heightened demand could not be capitalised on so all momentum was lost. Apparently, the design was the second one they had in mind (this was FAC 27, even though the catalogue numbers are out of sequence). Fuck knows how much the first one would’ve cost (I assume they chose the cheap one). It’s ironic (or maybe just karma), that Factory was brought down by the album cover cost for a New Order thing in 1992.

At least Tony plugged away to get it out though. The hidden dark machinations of Rob Gretton maybe started about then. It was a Tony Wilson riposte to one of his previous wheedlings that produced the “joke” at the Russell Club…

During the long delay before record release, the distrust towards Factory started. Among the demos, was a politically motivated tune, penned by Strangely Perfect called “Mary Whitehouse” about the whiter than white whinger of the time by that name. This was written in 1977 while Strangely was working in a fibreglass factory in Welshpool, Powys.

The key guitar hook of the tune was identical to the Joy Division (who virtually co-habited with Factory at the time) guitar in the single “She’s Lost Control”. CC said JD had pinched it although now, since I’ve seen the time-lines, it looks like a case of parallel evolution.

Further mistrust followed when Factory “lost” some of the masters for the follow up LP; then the LP had to be re-mixed in an expensive Newcastle studio adding to costs which were taken into account when splitting the royalties as was normal Factory practice; then it was postponed; then it was finally put out on the graveyard Disque du Crepescule (twilight or semi-darkness in French) label (aka Factory Benelux). They fucked this up as well, changing the carefully crafted title of “Gas Chair Clown” to “The Gas Chair”. Wacky cover though.

Needless to say, the cash generated was piss-poor and all momentum to the band was lost due to back room machinations of key Factory personnel.

The Pits Studio

Errol Dynamic left to live in Manchester during this period but before “Gas Chair Clown” was released. Another contact with a local band called “Danger in Paradise” led to a mutual agreement to start Foetus Products in the basement of Anth’s flat in Tynemouth.

Rough booths were contructed and when finances permitted, another room was anechoically kitted out with loads of headache inducing thixofix glue keeping it together, lagged and double glazed drum/vocals booth and wired in mike and headphone circuits.

The studio was up to four-track tape by now at 15″ per second.with 2 track master at 30″ per second.

This period saw the recording of lots of material which would appear later on “Gas Chair Clown”, “Homunculus Equinox”, “The Big C” and “The Last Pose” LPs as well as “The Blonde Etheopian” EP featuring lots of tracks by the old “Nothin’” ensemble and performed mainly by those members.

The “Gas Chair Clown” was released on the Factory Benelux offshoot. It contained material recorded at the Pits and at the Attic. The wacky cover was by The Belgian artist, Denyse Willem, who has done loads of stuff in a similar vein. I like it. When some royalties came in, all the members of Foetus Products (and a few liggers) had a celebration meal cooked on a Anth Chester’s manky old gas stove. It was roast chicken. It was “The First Foetus Feast”! And jolly nice it was too.

Only the EP and “Homunculus Equinox” were released by Foetus Products during “The Pits” occupation. “The Last Pose” was produced mainly by Anth Chester as a vehicle for some of his tunes from DIP days and newer stuff (no Crawling Chaos connection). It was released after Crawling Chaos had left the premises, dividing equipment and severing Anth from any Foetus Products business.

Anth Chester never played live with Crawling Chaos. He guested on a few tracks; he was also part of a short-lived joint project (more joint than project) called “Maxine and the Lurchers“; he organised (well his brother organised) a gig in hippy Wales; - that’s all. He managed to acquire some original master tapes - which is the output re-issued on CD by the LTM label.  He has illegally released the CD music as download under his copyright.  By this means it’s my opinion that in his own mind he hopes to finally become one of the “band” and whatever accumulated glory attained will forever reflect from his baldy tonsure. The reality is somewhat different though. He did not contact me regarding the CD production or royalties for these issues or anything since 1985, save to complain later to me about mentioning these facts on these and other web pages. The door to The Pits never opens when I’ve knocked though the lights are on. I am told to phone when I’m in the area but am turned down just before arriving. The email, in this digitally connected age, “doesn’t work”. What am I to think? What would you think?

Bebside Hall Studio

Following the general decline in relations and then fall-out with Anth Chester, premises were obtained in a wing of Bebside Hall, Northumberland. (To be strictly accurate, although the address was 1 Bebside Hall, it was actually part of the outbuildings for the Old Hall, long demolished). A certain local notoriety had evolved when a postcard arrived from local Newcastle band Freak Elektrik (Lorna and Ian, along with Moyly and George) addressed simply to “The Noisy House, Bebside“. At this time Strangely used the previous occupant’s phone until it got disconnected to have a personal competition to beat the longest phone call to a random person. The longest was 1h 10m to some geeza in New York.

During this period all the later output was recorded and the last vinyl material published for public consumption. This was “The Big C” and “Waqqaz” (although various other compilations were published by the remaining and alternate members this was the last vinyl output). “The Big C” contained material recorded at the Pits and Bebside Hall. The output was much more professional than previous relying on new tighter scripts rather than reworked old recordings and edits of jam sessions for avant-garde effect. Crawling Chaos continued to confound the critics.

His excessive lifestyle led Strangely Perfect to believe that he had to stop the life he was leading, at least until his head cleared as it was killing him. He did, went to France for six months with his future wife working casually (although he always felt that his work with Crawling Chaos was unfinished).

For five years Crawling Chaos continued with varying levels of activity and membership around a core of Doomage and Holly. This later period is still poorly documented. Live shows in Europe and elsewhere continued and a video was produced. The release of creative work in tape format, similar to the previous “shouting at dozy twats” and Homunculus Equinox but in compilation form, continued, mainly through EE Tapes. Tuva was one of the nom de chanson at this time but Crawling Chaos had a very floating membership at this time. Other local bands used the studios and mentions and recordings can sometimes be found on the net.

“Waqqaz” was the last album containing Strangely’s contributions. It took a lot of effort to produce, and we all really believe it is contains works of creativity that the world will recognize eventually. He is very proud of Crawling Chaos and is honoured to have worked with all of the different members of the band.

Later Info

Doomage has communicated twice to Strangely since those times expressing his feelings completely here.

Holly met a (not quite) mad woman, continuing to live at Bebside until the landlord kicked him oot. After a period working in Holland, he returned to the North-East of England and continues to play and entertain, with the (not quite) mad woman as The Symptoms. Strangely and Holly have been in good contact since July 2007 and Holly has been a good source for archival material and correcting errors therein.

Clinka passed into the oblivion he yearned, and if it’s Carlsberg induced, it’s probably the finest oblivion in the world. He sobers up occasionally under the disguise of a music tutor.

Errol Dynamic probably won’t speak to anyone again, especially Doomage. He’s happy with his own stuff and has been in Coronation Street.

Haircut hung himself, which was really weird but predictable as his mental state endured progressive decline.

Strangely Perfect started landscape gardening but stopped that when it became too dangerous, then ran a delivery business and news agency with his wife, got his Class One HGV and is now a blue-sky thinker producing innovative I.T. tools. The company speak is dreadful but the actual work is creative, producing real value for people.

And to enlarge on a previous mention, A Chester acquired a few master tapes and released two CDs on LTM without the express permission of ALL members of Crawling Chaos (certainly not Strangely Perfect), and typically, there are several versions of the genesis of them. To compound the felony he also appropriated the two tracks from the original Factory single, FAC17,  and two tracks from his DIP days and has FALSELY attributed the DIP tracks to Crawling Chaos as well as claiming copyright to the CDs.   Technical note: these releases were mainly derived from vinyl, digitally cleaned up, which explains their compressed waveforms. Subsequent to this, Chester has released, purely digitally, the joint work under the Crawling Chaos/Danger in Paradise banner.

Work is currently in progress for the release of the complete Crawling Chaos catalogue, both previously released and unheard.

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Because the text is by me, Strangely Perfect, by definition, the information is skewed to my viewpoint using my memories of my personal experiences.  But this transcript is open to continuous edit because nothing in this universe is constant and new information and opinions continuously surface like matter spontaneously arises from the quantum soup. Whatever has been written is probably an order of magnitude short.

- Strangely Perfect.

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Content not on Normal Releases, so far.

Major releases are on the main menu system.Other Works, not part of the major releases will appear below as Strangely gets round to them..

All works will appear here soon enough. This is a variable mix-down blog so different mixes may appear periodically. (Strangely Perfect)

Title	Description	Full-Length Sample and Information
Gygno	Final article appears on The Big C. This pulled from a test tape.	More or less the final cut except with Paul Shield’s original vocals. They weren’t right so Strangely Perfect did vocals for the vinyl release which can be heard here. Compare and contrast!
Yoni Suchon	Live version from same set as Sex Machine (below)	This is pretty close to the original way the track was played. The later version on Waqqaz has several (obvious) structural differences to this. It’s a quite powerful piece of stuff.
Sex Machine	Live version recorded without bass & drums	This is part of an hour long live cassette tape that is almost worthy of being issued as an LP in it’s entirety despite the quality and despite the odd mistake and despite the gaps and despite the odd error in mixing and despite the odd tape drop-out. Remocarpet with Jeff singing his lyrics is astounding… - I’d forgotten how good we were and we could be.This version is straight from tape without any processing and “features” the irregular breaks in the chorus appearance that were an original feature but had to be dropped to make it easier for the drummer.It’s the best explosion I ever made at the end. You can hear the inner anger on that day.
Doo-Hoo	Original called “Sue” in bootleg form or Belgium cassette tapes releases. This is it’s correct title.	Pits recording featuring Strangely and Clinka. Unfinished as is. Little boy lost vocals. Needs different bass fill and some blanket keyboards. The “sound” of the piece is deliberate. Strangely wanted really spaced out backings with a voice really right in the middle of your face, too close for comfort. A bit like walking alone on cliff-tops in a fog, singing a tune so that it’s hard to place distances and perspectives correctly and then coming upon someone so that their voice is out of synch with the surroundings. Much like the tenor of the HP Lovecraft tale “The Crawling Chaos”, or something.
Spit	Not standard issue	Recorded in The Pits. The usual suspects are performing. Standard Strangely clean-up.
Zombie Dance	Found on Homunculus Equinox as strange short tune before East of West Allotment.	This track was played many times in live situations. It was probably one of the tunes that upset Adam Sweeting so much. Twat. Er..live at the Golden Eagle in Blyth. The Zombie Dance bit was used on Homunculus Equinox but speeded up 4x, and it’s part of a longer continuous sequence finishing with “Mary Whitehouse” (see below).Performers are Fatso, Doomage, Strangely and Holly - who got paid as he was just starting and had a kind of contract. We soon sorted that out and he was taken on full time so didn’t need paying. Wahay!
Zombie Dance	Part of Zyclon B Zombies onstage performance accompaniment	Zyclon B Zombie performance at Newcastle University containing blood, guts,shouting,Bacchus and several specially recorded tracks by Doomage and Strangely. This is one.
Zombie Dance => Mary Whitehouse	Recorded live on cassette at The Golden Eagle, Blyth, Northumberland	This is the above bit more or less complete. Shame about the quality. The tapes are starting to disintegrate and this is the best clean-up I can manage for now. It’s basically a trade-off between heaps of hiss and heaps of extra audio artifacts.The second version (added 18/12/7) uses HarBal (Harmonic Balancing) mastering software to hack in at the eq. I’ll come back in a couple of days after my ears are rested and delete the duffest version.Mary Whitehouse was a standard punk-ish tune that was never released but was part of the set at this time which went something like this: slow track - fast track- slow track- fast track etc sometimes with big gaps and sometimes rolled into a continuous melange.

Sex Machine

I’ve got a brand new pair of genes

I’ve been to the doc, he’s got the means

He’s turned me into a Sex Machine

He’s given me a pair of enormous balls

That could even fill the Festival Hall

With schoolgirls *screaming* for more and more (*sometimes creaming or even squeaming*)

I’m going to the doctor’s

It’s easy you see

No need for operations

And you’ll know how it feels

Tomorrow I get my hands done

With fifteen fingers and a phallic thumb

I’ll rattle the girls till they come and come

The stomach lining change has really done the trick

It brews alcohol and give me kicks

And makes he have supersonic sicks

(Chorus)

I’ve got pricks on my toes and one on my nose

And some on my back that nobody knows

But the one I got first still grows and grows

I’ve got a set of clits hanging in my ear

I’ve been to the doc to get a smear

He told me I had gonorrhea

(Chorus)

I nuclear prick is hidden up my bum

I tried it on a lady who likes some fun

And she got blown to kingdom come

(Chorus)

(Explosion)

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Harry

I’ll send away for anything free

Coz coffee doesn’t interest me

Doo-Doo, doo doo, doo doo

I’m afraid to eat my tea

Oh! but I love saucers

Spinning on bendy sticks

Harry Secombe’s coming to tea (twice) (later changed to: Carry beacons
into the sea)

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Merry Christmas, Prince Charles (*Original Version. Remake will have currently relevant lyrics) - it’s got to be done coz he’s a twat

Christmas is coming

The pigs are getting fat

Gonna put some coppers

In the coppers hat

The kids all join the navy

They want a royal kiss

Peter, Mark, Andrew’s what they’re called

I’m so happy it’s Christmas

Merry Christmas Prince Charles

Merry Christmas Prince Charles

Merry Christmas Prince Charles

Merry Christmas Prince Charles

Our Captain rides horses

He also rides Ann

Puftas don’t make queens

They only make fancy men

Make sure you’ve got some money

Keep it all

Don’t give it to charity

Just to the Policeman’s Ball

(Chorus) followed by indeterminate length guitar solo and audience posturing when performed live

(Chorus)(optional)

You’ve got a father who’s no better

He’s just a greasy wop from Greece

The people all look up to him

And his Gold Award Scheme

Make sure you’ve got some money

Keep it all

Don’t give it to charity

Just to the Policeman’s Ball

(Chorus) x2 at least

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Loofas (track appears unlisted as what would be track 4 on LTM print of Homunculus Equinox)

I’ve got loofas at home in a bag

I’ve got loofas on the 442

I take loofas to my grandpa’s grave

I’ll bring loofas to you

Aaaaaah!

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Mummy’s Tummy

Sitting in my womb

Feels like I’m growing in a tomb

Cos she’s my mummy and I’m living in her tummy

Mummy’s tummy! Mummy’s Tummy!

Sitting in my womb

Feels like so cozy

Can’t breathe much in here

Connected by a tube

Sitting in my mummy’s tummy

Trying to suck my thumb

I’m in my mummy’s tummy

It’s mummy’s tummy

I’m in my mummy’s tummy etc etc etc etc etc

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Ashen

Ashen,

Ashen Face,

Ashen Face, powder white venture

Clack’n

Clack’n Hair

Clack’n Hair says things, clack! clack!

Roger’s okay

Roger’s alright

Roger’s just fine

Ashen,

Ashen Face,

Ashen Face, powder white venture

(chorus)

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Newspapers

I haven’t got time for the fashion pages

The dressed up tarts get me in a rage

The monetary men can leave me alone

‘Cos I don’t have money and I don’t have a car

Well the motoring column can stay where it is

In between the weather and the gossip columnists.

Oh the Marchioness of Sh-shit is doing all right

She’s off on holiday where the weather is “rather nice”

She fancies a singer who’s divorce is almost through

But he likes an old flame who’s inherited some glue.

I haven’t got time for the stock exchange buffs

In their pin-striped suits they’re a load of puffs

You’ve got to have money to make a bomb

So why the hell won’t they give me some?

It’s not for me that I whinge and moan

Just the good of the nation, I mean

I’m on the dole.

Oh I hate the tarts in their revealing skirts

They won’t show their cunts

What a load of flirts

Its’s all so nice

It’s all so cute

Here’s the new line for the spring that’s due.

Profitability is a sign of the times

You’ve got to keep on working for the rest of your lives

Now the tories are in ( Alt: If the tories get in)

It’s alright for the surgeons (Alt: It’ll be alright for the surgeons)

But us on the dole we’ll be cutting grass verges.

It’s true.

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The Outsider

Desolation could be gaining on me

It’s all fancy

Corruption around the next bend

Maybe.

The knife grazes the temple

Just glancing

I’m a clapped-out, stinking miasma

I don’t think Mary cares for me.

Well I guess I’ve just wasted my life

Flickin’ through magazines thinking I might

Gonna take out a nightmare trip

Do summat to find some kicks

Desolation could be gaining on me

It’s all fancy

Corruption around the next bend

Maybe.

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All I Need is a Love that Burns (also called Pleasure)

All I need is a love that burns

All I need is a girl that’s hot

All I need is another day

Because that’s all I got

I’m not for you

I’m not for you

I’m not for you

I’m just for me……

…eaning what you say doesn’t bother me

Give me all your money and run away

Telling all your friends about a man you once knew

Running to your mummy like