Code: Foetus 3

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Gygno

Holly created guitar and bass. Bass was played by Doomage on this, Holly guitar. The rinkity-dinkity synth and plain distorted organ solo were added by Strangely with words and the original singing from Haircut. But we got fed up with his singing so Strangely did it, better. Certainly on this one. Gary invented the fantastic drums instantly. It’s a very precise piece with thrashing guitars mixed well back from the starting noise and stuff. Strangely uses the proximity effect on the microphone and stressed sibilance on the tape-echoed vocal. Doomage set the bass guitar sound up brilliantly and the drums come through nicely, especially the toms.

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Urbane Encounter

Doomage riff inspired. Strangely orchestrated.
Nightmare in Eldon Square Shopping Centre. Played at virtually every gig. Took 3 years to record properly…Laziness I guess.

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Wee Jimmy (Part II)

Strangely made. Re-jigged for daftness.
EFS kind of piece. Fairgrounds and Tom & Jerry are in this as well as classical diminished descents. Jim from Derrim let us down with his tape deck. So he got a daft tune named after him.

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Worms

Originally created as a jam Doomage guitar jam voiced over round his mum’s place by Strangely who didn’t have any instruments or gear at the time. Developed and recorded at the Pits using special one-hit super-stereo echo on the drum toms as an experiment. I can smell the worms coming, Hah!

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The Katrina Syndrome

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Friends

Created by Strangely with extra clangy Crawling Chaos additions. Originally derived as a cross between “”Baby You’re so Repulsive” by “Crime” and “Andy Warhol” by David Bowie. Samples to compare are here.

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Jhonn’s Angel

Doomage invention.
The vocals can be approached in many ways. This is one way.

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The Vulva Boatman

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Fraüline Le Moîne

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D.S.S.

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Skaill

Neat jam played twice, one at 2x speed. Stopwatch timed to finish concurrently. PLAY LOUD.

From an atmospheric and powerful jam between Doomage and Strangely.
It was so good that the only addition needed was itself speeded up two times. It was copied onto another tape and then the fast one started at the correct time to finish concurrently with the slow (normal) one using a stopwatch. EQ and volumes were adjusted to suit the feel and pace. The piece sounded sea-like and Orkadian or Skerry-ish tied to the sound of ages. We pulled the right-sounding title from an atlas of the Orkneys, which is here. It’s quite close to Skara Brae.

I’ve turned the bass up even more here. It’s almost impossible to get it to sound like the PA in the room otherwise.

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Crawling Chaos & Foetus Products Personnel, Helpers & Liggers, including those on Parallel Projects and Others Mentioned in the Text.

Nom de Son	Common Name	Instruments	Other Info	Key Phrase, Act or other noteworthy thing
Strangely Perfect	Martin Rees	Keyboards, vox, sax, washboard, engineering, composition, electronics, construction, producer	Beer and mushrooms. Produced home-brew which was “quite drinkable”	Chose the name “Crawling Chaos”. On the green tape.
Doomage Khult (Vex Drongo in Thee Earnest Kakas)	Jeff Crowe	guitars, keyboards, vox, sax, cellophane, engineering, composition, electronics, construction, producer	Beer and mushrooms TEK	Drank 1 litre of warm, stale chip fat. Agreed “Crawling Chaos” was a good thing and we should do it. On the green tape.
Davenport Haltonberry or Holly	David Halton	guitars, composition, mixage, vox, additional sounds	Beer and stuff. Arrived from “Nothin’” TEK	Hairy mole on neck (still!). Famously berated “A Certain Ratio” as “A Certain Pair of Tights” to shut them up.
Mister Excess Clinka, or Gazza	Garry Clennell	drums, composition	Beer and cider.	Clinked a lot due to habit of staggering fully loaded up stairs with cider bottles. His mother had their dead pet dog in restaurant freezer for a time (Alice’s Restaurant in Whitley Bay). Under the frozen chips.
	Gordon Douglas Smith	TEK	TEK	In Thee Earnest Kakas
Macky	Robert Macdonald	vox on Mummy’s Tummy	Argumentative nazi type	designed cover for “The Big C” and early artworks and photography and cover for Homunculus Equinox cassette
Straight Dave (Cookie)	Dave Cook	Bass	Left before output to public domain	got one neat riff right off that I taught him. Too straight for words
Steve Smooth	Steve Smith	Bass	Left before output to public domain	Knew when to leave. Too smooth for words
*****	Anth Chester	Vox, guitar,synth and jamming	gets annoyed when he’s not called “Anth” or if you mention plasterering.	Lent out house for second major studio location. Is “suck” voice
Ligger (Curly) John	John Smith	Is the self immoliator on the Homunculus Equinox cassette sleeve (Foetus cover up sticker censors area)	More Beer!	nae scran! Sucked in by key phrase “I feel, like a suicide’s death-bed” on Urbane Encounter at first gig at Bridge Hotel. Famously berated Joy Division calling them Joyce repetitively till Curtis cracked. Fan and devilled kidneys supplier
Errol Dynamic	Eddie Fenn	Drums, composition	beer and pile ointment	Shagged my sister. Enabled flat for first studio (”Sex Machine” recorded there.) Said “are you tonkin’ Caroline now?”. Pretty obvious really.
Billy Connolly	Howard Titchmarsh		Accidental drinker of piss.	Narrator of “The Baseball Bat Battle of North Tyneside”
George	George Linton	Drums, composition	came from Freak Electrik to help out
Bingo	Gareth Kingsley Marshall	bass and finger snips	Bingo’s dad, Alec Bedlington Marshall, did the Waqqaz artwork	cracked his head falling off his bike
Macho Johnson	Mark Johnson			Hung around a bit in the early days. Keeps appearing on photos.
Hippy Mick	Mick Paterson		Driver and dope fiend. Still probably hasn’t had his sacks emptied by Chrissie.
Haircut	Paul Shields	vox, scrumpled cellophane on “One More Peso”	Sniffed a lot. Immaculate powers of observation.	When asked why he was puking, he replied “I thought everyone was doing it”.
Sally	Sally Wilson	occasional vox. Performance.
Trube	Susan Truby	occasional backing vox
Keef	Keith Wear	drums on early efforts. Drums used by Errol Dynamic until they were “nicked”	Left before output to public domain (basically not a very good drummer)	Cycles. On the green tape.
Hippy Jeff	Geoff Kennedy		Drove van quite a bit, usually smashed.	Set up infamous all-night biker gig at deserted abbey on banks of River Wear. Ended up nicking all our mushrooms and then getting locked up in Durham Jail for a long time for dealing, man.
Bryan Sowerby	Bryan Sowerby	Drums,composition	Even bigger nose than Holly (says Holly)	ex “The Noise Toys” & The Hostages.  Drums on Waqqaz.
Dave (Weirdbeard/Pipsqueak)	Dave Pipkin	Drums,composition		Supported Brian May as part of STAN at Newcastle City Hall
Rob Pybus	Rob Joiner	Guest Sax	Solicitor for Inglejew, Bottrel, Roache and Pybus.	Sax addict.  Called to the bar.
Spug	Andy Douglass	bass	Played bass at last gig (Belgium).  Talented fucker who could play anything.	Last heard of driving at 50mph in a lorry
Yeti	Darren Yates	drums	TEK	He’s a great artist. In Thee Earnest Kakas

* Nothin’ - Nothin’

** TEK - Thee Earnest Kakas

Crawling Chaos History: Myths passing as Truth, revealed

Origins

The Crawling Chaos started in Ashington, Northumberland in the UK by two young men, soon to be Doomage Khult and Strangely Perfect who met at the local school, sharing an interest in astronomy, music, gloomy science and horror fantasy novels and science itself.

Doomage acquired a BSc Physics Hons (First Class) whereas Strangely, in one of his habitual depressions jacked his university physics course in to work and get money.

Skills in music and electronics coupled with the punk explosion in 1976 led them commit to the creation of a proper band together. Early 78 saw them setting up studio equipment and developing techniques, writing compositions but without a clear idea of personnel requirements. A reasonably clear idea of styles and attitudes was in place. At this time, other school aquaintances were keen but not really good enough to be partners. The name was chosen around then because it sounded good, it was a partial homage to H P Lovecraft and the Cthulhu Mythos he’d created and also Strangely had not managed to read it all the way through even after several attempts because he was usually too drunk to finish it. It also stood out from band names of the time and sounded dangerous and gloomy. This was the start of THE CRAWLING CHAOS although the definite article was usually dropped. The Crawling Chaos was supposed to be an actual creature of nightmares.

Mutual friends led them to end up dossing on the floor of Eddie Fenn after a drunken night at a Lurkers gig in Whitley Bay. The Attic Studios were quickly established in Fatso’s flat which included knocking a huge great fuck-off hole through from one room to the next. The mutual friend (Jim from Durrim), appears as the title but not the subject of the song “Wee Jimmy”.

Attic Studios

A recording and live performance band followed with a core of Errol Dynamic on (Keith’s) drums until they were nicked, Doomage Khult on guitar, Strangely Perfect on keyboards and vocals. Engineering, mixage and production were handled by Strangely and Doomage. Two bass players joined and left in rapid succession, Steve Smooth and Dave Cook.

The first gig was at the Bridge Hotel in Newcastle, near the Keep. On the first floor inside the bay window. (The picture was taken by Strangely in 2002). At this time the band were gigging at least twice a week in places such as The Gosforth Hotel upstairs with Arthur 2-Stroke’s mob, The Noise Toys, or Spectro Art Workshop down Pilgrim Street, Newcastle.

The “sound” changed during this period due to the demands of gigging from the original avante-garde free-flowing jams to include more tightly worked new wave pieces. The “sets” very often were created on an ad hoc basis dependant on the audience and how the band were feeling at the time. Numbers would be shouted out and with a few quick nods they’d be played. Sometime it’d be “JAM” and off we’d go.

Many of the coterie of helpers and followers of Crawling Chaos appeared at this time. It was (and still is) an unwritten policy for Crawling Chaos and their ilk to annoy as many people as possible. It is part of the pitmatic test. Survivors of the ordeal ended up as mates. Everyone was free to do their own thing. The only penalty would be ridicule if you did something daft.

The Nothin’ Connection

Following an advert in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle for a bass player, with the tag line “we are sick of straight jerks jacking it in”, Holly joined the ensemble. He and some school friends from Seaton Deleval, Paul Shields, Guzzle and Fen (Michael Fenwick) had a band called Nothin’ performing Holly’s music and co-written lyrics from Shieldsy. The Nothin’ connection would continue, some tunes becoming part of The Crawling Chaos’s repertoire and the bands (and other connections) performing on the same bills.

Introduction to Factory

Strangely Perfect played grass hockey for a team called Northumbria (now re-named|). One co-player was the newsreader from the local commercial TV station, Tyne-Tees TV (soon to start the influential show,”The Tube“). His name was Rod Griffith. It turns out that he is source for the Chris Donald character, Roger Melly, the man on the telly.

Crawling Chaos had organised a show at the Rex Hotel in Whitley Bay. Strangely Perfect asked Rod, semi-tongue-in-cheek, if he’d like to buy some tickets for himself and his TV chums. Bizarrely, about a dozen straight-looking TV types turned up, where they witnessed the normal show including Strangely stripping to his long-johns, Doomage alternately sneering at and showing off to everyone and Errol sweating a lot. After the show, one particular guy said he really liked the performance, to phone his mate and say that he, Tony Bulley, thought we were good and that his mate, Tony Wilson should give us a listen as he’d just started a record company called Factory Records. Strangely remembered Bulley was the director on the infamous Sex Pistols/Grundy live interview (I nearly always read the credits! ^reference), and also Wilson from his earlier time in Wales which was in the Granada TV area.

And so it goes, as Tony Wilson’s excellent show on TV was called at the time…

Factory Records

Demos were sent to Factory. Twat Hannett took an immediate dislike to The Crawling Chaos possibly because he had no control over the band apart from exerting negative forces from afar. He exploded in the end.

Tony was impressed and decided that they’d want to see us so he said if we could get to Leigh for a open-air festival he’d organised, (he DID say all this, that’s what he was like), he’d put us on. So we did. (these previous links contain interesting info on the business practices of Factory/Tony that have also emerged in other areas - we should have guessed then…The comments by Chris Miller are especially salient). (see here also - added on 31/10/2007)

We filled a coach from Target with our fans and went to Leigh. I think we were on just before OMD. This was the day that Billy Connolly drank a beer can of Doomage piss (he’d used it as a toilet) on the coach journey, remarking that the beer tasted warm… The day was a typical absolutely freezing bank holiday, audience minimal but reaction good despite the conditions. The subsequent headline in a UK music paper was “Angst in East Lancs Wasteland” which was about right considering the situation on a disused dark grey pit heap (this is no criticism of the real organisers or the area; it’s just the way it was). Tony’s blagging did get us on though as there were a heap of bands that didn’t pass Mrs Miller’s selection process! I’ve posted an article here about a visit to Tony Wilson’s house in Glossop.

After much delay due to Arty-Farty Wilson and the other creative media types having control over the sleeve design the single “Sex Machine” was released. The control was such that a highly expensive metal embossing master was needed to pump out the cardboard. This was reputed to be £700 alone at 1980 prices. The first run sold out in less than a fortnight pushing the record close to the top of the indie chart despite the embossing being flattened out when the records were stacked up at the warehouse.
They were so cash-strapped that another batch couldn’t be made until they got some Joy Division money in. So the £700 master was a complete and utter waste and the fast sales and heightened demand could not be capitalised on so all momentum was lost. Apparently, the design was the second one they had in mind (this was FAC 27, even though the catalogue numbers are out of sequence). Fuck knows how much the first one would’ve cost (I assume they chose the cheap one). It’s ironic (or maybe just karma), that Factory was brought down by the album cover cost for a New Order thing in 1992.

At least Tony plugged away to get it out though. The hidden dark machinations of Rob Gretton maybe started about then. It was a Tony Wilson riposte to one of his previous wheedlings that produced the “joke” at the Russell Club…

During the long delay before record release, the distrust towards Factory started. Among the demos, was a politically motivated tune, penned by Strangely Perfect called “Mary Whitehouse” about the whiter than white whinger of the time by that name. This was written in 1977 while Strangely was working in a fibreglass factory in Welshpool, Powys.
The key guitar hook of the tune was identical to the Joy Division (who virtually co-habited with Factory at the time) guitar in the single “She’s Lost Control”. CC said JD had pinched it although now, since I’ve seen the time-lines, it looks like a case of parallel evolution.

Further mistrust followed when Factory “lost” some of the masters for the follow up LP; then the LP had to be re-mixed in an expensive Newcastle studio adding to costs which were taken into account when splitting the royalties as was normal Factory practice; then it was postponed; then it was finally put out on the graveyard Disque du Crepescule (twilight or semi-darkness in French) label (aka Factory Benelux). They fucked this up as well, changing the carefully crafted title of “Gas Chair Clown” to “The Gas Chair”. Wacky cover though.

Needless to say, the cash generated was piss-poor and all momentum to the band was lost due to back room machinations of key Factory personnel.

The Pits Studio

Errol Dynamic left to live in Manchester during this period but before “Gas Chair Clown” was released. Another contact with a local band called “Danger in Paradise” led to a mutual agreement to start Foetus Products in the basement of Anth’s flat in Tynemouth.

Rough booths were contructed and when finances permitted, another room was anechoically kitted out with loads of headache inducing thixofix glue keeping it together, lagged and double glazed drum/vocals booth and wired in mike and headphone circuits.

The studio was up to four-track tape by now at 15″ per second.with 2 track master at 30″ per second.

This period saw the recording of lots of material which would appear later on “Gas Chair Clown”, “Homunculus Equinox”, “The Big C” and “The Last Pose” LPs as well as “The Blonde Etheopian” EP featuring lots of tracks by the old “Nothin’” ensemble and performed mainly by those members.

The “Gas Chair Clown” was released on the Factory Benelux offshoot. It contained material recorded at the Pits and at the Attic. The wacky cover was by The Belgian artist, Denyse Willem, who has done loads of stuff in a similar vein. I like it. When some royalties came in, all the members of Foetus Products (and a few liggers) had a celebration meal cooked on a Anth Chester’s manky old gas stove. It was roast chicken. It was “The First Foetus Feast”! And jolly nice it was too.

Only the EP and “Homunculus Equinox” were released by Foetus Products during “The Pits” occupation. “The Last Pose” was produced mainly by Anth Chester as a vehicle for some of his tunes from DIP days and newer stuff (no Crawling Chaos connection). It was released after Crawling Chaos had left the premises, dividing equipment and severing Anth from any Foetus Products business.
Anth Chester never played live with Crawling Chaos. He guested on a few tracks; he was also part of a short-lived joint project (more joint than project) called “Maxine and the Lurchers“; he organised (well his brother organised) a gig in hippy Wales; - that’s all. He managed to acquire some original master tapes - which is the output re-issued on CD by the LTM label.  He has illegally released the CD music as download under his copyright.  By this means it’s my opinion that in his own mind he hopes to finally become one of the “band” and whatever accumulated glory attained will forever reflect from his baldy tonsure. The reality is somewhat different though. He did not contact me regarding the CD production or royalties for these issues or anything since 1985, save to complain later to me about mentioning these facts on these and other web pages. The door to The Pits never opens when I’ve knocked though the lights are on. I am told to phone when I’m in the area but am turned down just before arriving. The email, in this digitally connected age, “doesn’t work”. What am I to think? What would you think?

Bebside Hall Studio

Following the general decline in relations and then fall-out with Anth Chester, premises were obtained in a wing of Bebside Hall, Northumberland. (To be strictly accurate, although the address was 1 Bebside Hall, it was actually part of the outbuildings for the Old Hall, long demolished). A certain local notoriety had evolved when a postcard arrived from local Newcastle band Freak Elektrik (Lorna and Ian, along with Moyly and George) addressed simply to “The Noisy House, Bebside“. At this time Strangely used the previous occupant’s phone until it got disconnected to have a personal competition to beat the longest phone call to a random person. The longest was 1h 10m to some geeza in New York.

During this period all the later output was recorded and the last vinyl material published for public consumption. This was “The Big C” and “Waqqaz” (although various other compilations were published by the remaining and alternate members this was the last vinyl output). “The Big C” contained material recorded at the Pits and Bebside Hall. The output was much more professional than previous relying on new tighter scripts rather than reworked old recordings and edits of jam sessions for avant-garde effect. Crawling Chaos continued to confound the critics.

His excessive lifestyle led Strangely Perfect to believe that he had to stop the life he was leading, at least until his head cleared as it was killing him. He did, went to France for six months with his future wife working casually (although he always felt that his work with Crawling Chaos was unfinished).

For five years Crawling Chaos continued with varying levels of activity and membership around a core of Doomage and Holly. This later period is still poorly documented. Live shows in Europe and elsewhere continued and a video was produced. The release of creative work in tape format, similar to the previous “shouting at dozy twats” and Homunculus Equinox but in compilation form, continued, mainly through EE Tapes. Tuva was one of the nom de chanson at this time but Crawling Chaos had a very floating membership at this time. Other local bands used the studios and mentions and recordings can sometimes be found on the net.

“Waqqaz” was the last album containing Strangely’s contributions. It took a lot of effort to produce, and we all really believe it is contains works of creativity that the world will recognize eventually. He is very proud of Crawling Chaos and is honoured to have worked with all of the different members of the band.

Later Info

Doomage has communicated twice to Strangely since those times expressing his feelings completely here.

Holly met a (not quite) mad woman, continuing to live at Bebside until the landlord kicked him oot. After a period working in Holland, he returned to the North-East of England and continues to play and entertain, with the (not quite) mad woman as The Symptoms. Strangely and Holly have been in good contact since July 2007 and Holly has been a good source for archival material and correcting errors therein.

Clinka passed into the oblivion he yearned, and if it’s Carlsberg induced, it’s probably the finest oblivion in the world. He sobers up occasionally under the disguise of a music tutor.

Errol Dynamic probably won’t speak to anyone again, especially Doomage. He’s happy with his own stuff and has been in Coronation Street.

Haircut hung himself, which was really weird but predictable as his mental state endured progressive decline.

Strangely Perfect started landscape gardening but stopped that when it became too dangerous, then ran a delivery business and news agency with his wife, got his Class One HGV and is now a blue-sky I.T. tool designer. The company speak is dreadful but the actual work is creative, producing real value for people.

And to enlarge on a previous mention, A Chester acquired a few master tapes and released two CDs on LTM without the express permission of ALL members of Crawling Chaos (certainly not Strangely Perfect), and typically, there are several versions of the genesis of them. To compound the felony he also appropriated the two tracks from the original Factory single, FAC17,  and two tracks from his DIP days and has FALSELY attributed the DIP tracks to Crawling Chaos as well as claiming copyright to the CDs.   Technical note: these releases were mainly derived from vinyl, digitally cleaned up, which explains their compressed waveforms.

Work is currently in progress for the release of the complete Crawling Chaos catalogue, both previously released and unheard.

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Because the text is by me, Strangely Perfect, by definition, the information is skewed to my viewpoint using my memories of my personal experiences.  But this transcript is open to continuous edit because nothing in this universe is constant and new information and opinions continuously surface like matter spontaneously arises from the quantum soup. Whatever has been written is probably an order of magnitude short.

- Strangely Perfect.

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Sex Machine

I’ve got a brand new pair of genes

I’ve been to the doc, he’s got the means

He’s turned me into a Sex Machine

He’s given me a pair of enormous balls

That could even fill the Festival Hall

With schoolgirls *screaming* for more and more (*sometimes creaming or even squeaming*)

I’m going to the doctor’s

It’s easy you see

No need for operations

And you’ll know how it feels

Tomorrow I get my hands done

With fifteen fingers and a phallic thumb

I’ll rattle the girls till they come and come

The stomach lining change has really done the trick

It brews alcohol and give me kicks

And makes he have supersonic sicks

(Chorus)

I’ve got pricks on my toes and one on my nose

And some on my back that nobody knows

But the one I got first still grows and grows

I’ve got a set of clits hanging in my ear

I’ve been to the doc to get a smear

He told me I had gonorrhea

(Chorus)

I nuclear prick is hidden up my bum

I tried it on a lady who likes some fun

And she got blown to kingdom come

(Chorus)

(Explosion)

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Harry

I’ll send away for anything free

Coz coffee doesn’t interest me

Doo-Doo, doo doo, doo doo

I’m afraid to eat my tea

Oh! but I love saucers

Spinning on bendy sticks

Harry Secombe’s coming to tea (twice) (later changed to: Carry beacons
into the sea)

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Merry Christmas, Prince Charles (*Original Version. Remake will have currently relevant lyrics) - it’s got to be done coz he’s a twat

Christmas is coming

The pigs are getting fat

Gonna put some coppers

In the coppers hat

The kids all join the navy

They want a royal kiss

Peter, Mark, Andrew’s what they’re called

I’m so happy it’s Christmas

Merry Christmas Prince Charles

Merry Christmas Prince Charles

Merry Christmas Prince Charles

Merry Christmas Prince Charles

Our Captain rides horses

He also rides Ann

Puftas don’t make queens

They only make fancy men

Make sure you’ve got some money

Keep it all

Don’t give it to charity

Just to the Policeman’s Ball

(Chorus) followed by indeterminate length guitar solo and audience posturing when performed live

(Chorus)(optional)

You’ve got a father who’s no better

He’s just a greasy wop from Greece

The people all look up to him

And his Gold Award Scheme

Make sure you’ve got some money

Keep it all

Don’t give it to charity

Just to the Policeman’s Ball

(Chorus) x2 at least

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Loofas (track appears unlisted as what would be track 4 on LTM print of Homunculus Equinox)

I’ve got loofas at home in a bag

I’ve got loofas on the 442

I take loofas to my grandpa’s grave

I’ll bring loofas to you

Aaaaaah!

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Mummy’s Tummy

Sitting in my womb

Feels like I’m growing in a tomb

Cos she’s my mummy and I’m living in her tummy

Mummy’s tummy! Mummy’s Tummy!

Sitting in my womb

Feels like so cozy

Can’t breathe much in here

Connected by a tube

Sitting in my mummy’s tummy

Trying to suck my thumb

I’m in my mummy’s tummy

It’s mummy’s tummy

I’m in my mummy’s tummy etc etc etc etc etc

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Ashen

Ashen,

Ashen Face,

Ashen Face, powder white venture

Clack’n

Clack’n Hair

Clack’n Hair says things, clack! clack!

Roger’s okay

Roger’s alright

Roger’s just fine

Ashen,

Ashen Face,

Ashen Face, powder white venture

(chorus)

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Newspapers

I haven’t got time for the fashion pages

The dressed up tarts get me in a rage

The monetary men can leave me alone

‘Cos I don’t have money and I don’t have a car

Well the motoring column can stay where it is

In between the weather and the gossip columnists.

Oh the Marchioness of Sh-shit is doing all right

She’s off on holiday where the weather is “rather nice”

She fancies a singer who’s divorce is almost through

But he likes an old flame who’s inherited some glue.

I haven’t got time for the stock exchange buffs

In their pin-striped suits they’re a load of puffs

You’ve got to have money to make a bomb

So why the hell won’t they give me some?

It’s not for me that I whinge and moan

Just the good of the nation, I mean

I’m on the dole.

Oh I hate the tarts in their revealing skirts

They won’t show their cunts

What a load of flirts

Its’s all so nice

It’s all so cute

Here’s the new line for the spring that’s due.

Profitability is a sign of the times

You’ve got to keep on working for the rest of your lives

Now the tories are in ( Alt: If the tories get in)

It’s alright for the surgeons (Alt: It’ll be alright for the surgeons)

But us on the dole we’ll be cutting grass verges.

It’s true.

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The Outsider

Desolation could be gaining on me

It’s all fancy

Corruption around the next bend

Maybe.

The knife grazes the temple

Just glancing

I’m a clapped-out, stinking miasma

I don’t think Mary cares for me.

Well I guess I’ve just wasted my life

Flickin’ through magazines thinking I might

Gonna take out a nightmare trip

Do summat to find some kicks

Desolation could be gaining on me

It’s all fancy

Corruption around the next bend

Maybe.

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All I Need is a Love that Burns (also called Pleasure)

All I need is a love that burns

All I need is a girl that’s hot

All I need is another day

Because that’s all I got

I’m not for you

I’m not for you

I’m not for you

I’m just for me……

…eaning what you say doesn’t bother me

Give me all your money and run away

Telling all your friends about a man you once knew

Running to your mummy like I just don’t know

Chorus

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Gygno

Like a Turkish Pirate

I fall lame

With every chance that I get

But the weals on my back make me forget

Never able to stand up

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Urbane Encounter

Crawling through the centre of the screaming souls

I can’t tell the time like the way I should

I can’t wait long I’m only twenty-two

By the time I get out I’ll be turning blue

And you know how it feels to be locked in a zoo

Well, I feel like a suicide’s death bed

You people step on me and you don’t care

You’re only rushing home for your tea

You’re only doing the same as me

I lean against a wall to collect my thoughts

I get swept along in the surging throng

I don’t use money I use credit cards

In all the shops with the security guards

I’ve gotta get out before the shops close down

I don’t want to get locked in the dosser’s town

Insane Domain, it’s crawling with bird brains

You can’t complain, when the place is a shit drain

You double your chances of catching the louse

When you walk out the door to the mad-house

Morbid thoughts rushing through my mind

As the people scratch past as they run out of time

The subways are packed right out to the seams

By a glutinous mob who’ve spent past their means

In boutiques, and cafes, and hi-fi stores

But let’s see you show me the dirty book store

There’s no reason for me to stay

Well, I didn’t want to come here in the first place

Well, I only came to buy a pound of pears

And I’m gonna be here for years and years, and years.

When the muzak starts I just can’t stop

Thinking about all the tunes of grot

And up at the bar where the sporty types forage

It’s eight-four pence for a pint of orange

The security guards stalk round and round

And it’s out on your arse if you don’t fit with the crowd

Strobe lights and fashionable bars

There’s no place to park your car

The smell of the cafes, it makes me want to puke

And you’ll easy get out if you’ll only look, well look!

* A Fifth verse, later ommitted, went as follows:

Santas on windows with sprayed-on snow

And plastic reindeer with nose aglow!

Velkom tir Nordski, all over the place

The money situation’s a shocking disgrace

And little children try to head you in the fly

And old ladies with umbrellas try to poke out your eye

This referred to the fashion at Xmas for Northumberland Street in Newcastle to be plastered with Norwegian slogans as well as the normal festive stuff. This was due to the then favourable exchange rate with Norway, so Norwegians arrived in their droves. I’ve included this verse even though it was crap because it features in one of the first live recordings. This will be in the streamed audio section soon enough. It WAS funny for a bit, though - like, you know.

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Worms

Get off your heart

Get off your soul

Win the race

Makes you feel small

It’s the end

Of a soul

It’s the end

Of us all

I can smell the worms coming

I can smell the worms coming

Coming

Yah!

Yah!

Repeat ad infinitum until satisfied, etc etc etc

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Jhonn’s Angel

Flies gather around

Her festering eyes

In the ferns where she lies

Sky aurial sky

Beltane Beltane

Beltane Beltane

Beltane In the Kingdom of flies

Turn alternate things

Those pesky ferns

In the smokescreen of wings

Saliva tentacle clings

Oh Ouiji-ji

Beltane Beltane

Beltane Beltane

Beltane In the Kingdom of flies

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Frauline le Moine

Vulnerable clocks keep turning

When the blue soul rises dilly-dilly

Pewter jugs rust in France

He used to say I’d lost my teepee

Danny Slater is bianco

Festooned in his mama’s blanket

Good lordy me! I’ll have to impale ya

Stab and burn your red regalia

Blokies wear hair laquer in the Deuchars, oh!

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Throwing Pins

I’m throwin’ pins, I’m throwin’ pins

I’m throwin’ pins all over the ground

I’m throwin’ pins, I’m throwin’ pins

I’m throwin’ pins all over the ground

Well I’ve been throwing pins now

I’ve travelled all around

I’ve been right up the country and then I came back down

I’ve never had such fun

In the whole of my life

And when I get more experienced I’ll go onto throwing knives

Chorus

It really is such fun

Throwin’ pins on the beach

Watchin’ all those people with those pins stuck in their feet

The pain those people get

It really is such a crime

And when I get more experienced I’m gonna take it up full time

Chorus

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This includes the Foetus Products stuff. (the two thousand and oh’s CD releases by LTM are a melange of FAC17, FACBN6, FOETUS 0001 & FOETUS SR0001)

Major Release	Code	Format	Track Titles
Sex Machine	FAC 17	7″ Vinyl 45	Sex Machine Berlin
Gas Chair Clown (released as The Gas Chair)	FACBN 6	12″ Vinyl 33	Macabre Royale Creamo Coyl Left Hand Path Guinness Arabesque Harry Disierta Membra Canadian Pacific Breaking Down
Homunculus Equinox	FOETUS 0001	Cassette	What’s Your Noise Fuel For The Blonde Ethiopian Taste Of Honey Mummy’s Tummy Valium B Ashen Tom’s Bum (There’s) Stinging Gnats Heavy Lovin’ The Mongolian Steak Bar Voedoux Tell Me Why East Of West Allotment Suck One More Peso
Sinews Are A Girls Best Friend (The Blonde Etheopian)	FOETUS 0002	7″ Vinyl 45	Neep Heeds Throwing Pins Reel 1 Nothin’ Horse Bath I Got Loofahs Not Transferable
The Last Pose (Danger In Paradise) composed by A Chester (all)	Foetus SR0001	Cassette	The Last Pose Shadow A Moment Of Sanity Death Is… That’s Life Danger In Paradise Block Numbers The Ritual The Hymm Laughing Jam - Smoke Rings
The Big C	Foetus 3	12″ Vinyl 33	Gygno Urbane Encounter Wee Jimmy (Part II) Worms The Katrina Syndrome Friends Jhonn’s Angel The Vulva Boatman Fraüline Le Moîne D.S.S. Skaill
WAQQAZ	Foetus 4	12″ Vinyl 33	Remocarpet 1078-1082 Oh Blasé Fatso Died And Likes It Trouty Hobin Comrade Dolphin Reg Vase The White Sybil Yoni Suchon Curling Sandwiches Netwilf Bosumptwi I Must Be Ambidextrous (I Can Smoke With Both Hands) Comrade Dolphin (Reprise) Me
Running Order		TBA	Sex Machine Arabesque Harry Fuel For The Blonde Ethiopian The Mongolian Steak Bar Neep Heeds Throwing Pins Urbane Encounter Worms The Katrina Syndrome Like a Hurricane Friends Oh Blasé The Prick Merry Christmas, Prince Charles All I Need is a Love that Burns Hurt The Outsider Newspapers Tsunami The Minehead Song Under the Sea I Feel a bit Frightened I Should Have Known Better Riding on a Cloud Paralized Paradise Doo-Hoo Mary Whitehouse The Pied Piper of Seghill Wobbly Jellies Zombie Dance

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