Sex Machine – as robotically aloof as a rusty lawnmower

Sex Machine Review from 2008

Thus spake Jason Heller.  I particularly liked, while not being exactly correct:

FAC17 Original Factory front cover for Sex Machine

Crawling Chaos, though, was a fucking wreck. Gangling, ungainly, sloppy, self-sabotaging, murderously humorous, and perhaps mildly insane, the group appropriated the title of one of James Brown’s most archetypal funk tracks and basically took a big dump on it. Clinical detachment was the name of the game when it came to that era’s synthesizer-backed post-punk, but Crawling Chaos was about as robotically aloof as a rusty lawnmower–and “Sex Machine” is a dripping, glorious, psychosexual phantasmagoria worthy of Ballard or Cronenberg (or a precociously perverted 11-year-old). The synths are demented, the singing shrill, the beats nearly brain-dead–but it’s the lyrics alone that are worth a trip to the nut farm….

Sex Machine Disc
Sex Machine Disc

One of the nicest reviews I’ve read by miles, and shows that he’d read this website pretty thoroughly enough to grab and use some phrases creatively.

Two points though.

  • When I/we entitled the track Sex Machine I was so musically naive that I’d not even heard of James Brown!!  Maybe Jeff and Eddie did, but not me.
  • Strangely Perfect
    Strangely Perfect

    There are no synths on the track.  The sound was derived from my self-made green toota organ and destructively modified afterwards in my self-made black tube both of which can be seen in this live photo.  So not synthesised as in a Moog etc.

Spot On Description

Finally a proper review of the B-side.  There are some shit ones about by others but Jason’s, I really like:

“Berlin.” The name of that city at that time bore connotations of Lou Reed, David Bowie, and the Teutonic lockstep of Krautrock, which were all clear influences on Crawling Chaos. And they all melt into a dissonant mess all over “Berlin,” an aimlessly menacing jam that limps and burps along for seven torturous minutes before succumbing to some kind of sonic gangrene. In other words: It’s fantastic.

However, Jason’s all wrong (and it’s not his fault) when he says,

Khult and Perfect gradually drifted away from the group, although they reunited in 2003 for a new full-length titled Homunculus Equinox.

A more accurate pattern of events is now thoroughly explained on this website right here: https://crawlingchaos.co.uk/myths#recent  – and neither, even back in two thousand and 3, 8 or 17 were we still “plugging away”.

Best Bit

Despite the minor errors mainly due to myself (SP) not updating this website fast enough, it’s a gem of a review with Jason “getting” what the whole thing was about.  This is his best bit…. I’ll finish with it:

  • Crawling Chaos’ [Sex Machine] is the musical equivalent of getting punched in the groin.
  • While being forced to watch barnyard porn.
  • Starring your mom and dad.
      
Simpson Sex Machine
Simpson Sex Machine

DMCA Infringement by Black Box Access

Black Box Access Scam

BlackBoxAccess File Example
BlackBoxAccess File Example

I recently became aware that Crawling Chaos’s material was available in search results again.

Naturally, I decided to have a look!

Many of the links (some even said ‘verified’!) pointed to Black Box Access who, for a “introductory membership fee” of $4.95 claimed to have a host of links to our stuff.

Big Fat Con

BlackBoxAccess Shit Example
BlackBoxAccess Shit Example

However, I noticed that search results returned exactly what I typed…. which is odd.  Very odd indeedy!

The crunch moment came first when I typed our newest remixes, which are tagged with 2011, which also returned results.

I then typed the killer entry to our latest (so far totally fictional release) Shit on Your Tits.  This I just made up on the spur of the moment.

Bingo!

They claimed to have a rar file for it, uploaded in the last week and downloaded in excess of 19000 times since!

Also, in a final clue, I accidently clicked on an advert to a webpage that would not go away, producing popup after popup after popup –  a clear sign of scamminess.

Big Fucking Cunt Criminal Bastards

BlackBoxAccess DMCA
BlackBoxAccess DMCA

I decided to contact this wonderful exercise in criminality by filling in their DMCA claim form!  Here’s what I wrote.  Needless to say, I don’t expect a reply.

I am the representative for the band Crawling Chaos and request immediate removal of the following links which I believe to contain our copyright works for which we’ve neither received a request nor given permission for your usage on your website.
Downloading of our material on websites such as yours does not constitute “fair usage” under our terms nor that of common or set law.  This is because it’s neither there for fair comment or research, plus, you charge for it which means royalties are owed.
I’ve found:
Homunculus Equinox
The Gas Chair
Gas Chair Clown
C
The Big C
Sex Machine

on your site.
All our discography can be found here:

Discography


The copyright statement is also to be found on that website.

Also, since you claim on the logon screen to have downloaded the above files in excess of 19000 times and that the initial signup fee is $4.95, this comes to a total of approximately $100,000.  This money is now due to the surviving members of Crawling Chaos and the heirs of the deceased members.  Please contact me at the contact email address to discuss how this will be paid to us.

Conclusion – What Does it All Mean?

  • What a bunch of fucking cunts. It’s all fiction.  Everything.
  • Do you really think that I’m expecting a reply?
  • What they’re getting is your financial and email details.
  • You’ve been warned!

Ask yourself;

“Do I want to give my details to this bunch of crooks?”

Our Label, Our music, Our Shop

Foetus Products
Foetus Products

You can of course get our stuff from our wonderful custom shopping experience at Foetus Products.  It’s the now-recommended route for all Crawling Chaos aficionados and resellers.

The finale, Spookhouse, will be out early next year.

Doomage Speaks!

Below is the complete text of a letter to Strangely Perfect from Doomage Khult received today, 3 April 2008.

As you will read, it’s asked that the letter be published in full or not at all. This wish has of course been accommodated.

Dear Mr Perfect

I think it’s about time I chucked in my tuppence-worth into the pot.

When I heard that The Gas Chair was about to be re-released on LTM, naturally I became curious. Some elementary detective work led me on the trail of Anth Chester, so I contacted him and he filled me in on the details – James Nice, a former employee of Factory Benelux had found half of the master tapes of said album and had asked for Anth’s permission to rip off one side of an original vinyl for a re-issue. I understand that he was given a £250 advance for this, which I stress he split with Holly 50-50 and in the process acquired the master tape of Homunculus Equinox.

So far so good I thought – after all Anth and Holly did play their parts in those recordings which nobody can deny. What I didn’t know about at that time were the “bonus” tracks, and I was a bit peeved about the inclusion of Sex Machine and Berlin of which you know neither of them had anything to do with. But by the time I found that out, it was a Done Deal in Production and I childishly decided to keep my opinionated trap shut. Be clear though, I’m not dissing Holly – after your departure strangely we didn’t forlornly shamble about in the woods waiting in vain for the return of the messiah, but continued our long and increasingly productive creative partnership.

To resume; not being bothered about getting any remuneration (I don’t need it – just as well as I haven’t received a penny), I thought it would be fun to focus on the reaction to our material some twenty years on. Like yourself I am intensely proud of all our Art and was pretty chuffed to see that it polarized the critics just as much as the first time around and thus hadn’t dated at all.

Anyway opinions are one thing and facts and assumptions are quite distinct beasts altogether. Your colourful tale of a lightning strike inducing some subtle sinister change to my personality (a storyline that surely would have been warmly welcomed by the writers of Murder She Wrote) is absolutely hilarious – in particular the increasing abuse of spirits aspect. I do seem to recall we had a very productive ale micro-brewery in place at Beside(sic) Hall which formed the bulk of our alcohol consumption in situ; but I don’t remember pouring any hard liquor down my throat either there or at any of the public hostelries. Mind you, if you mean communing with spirits – that is a different kettle of fish of which I admit to unreservedly.

It never ceases to amaze me how certain folk project shadows of their own failings onto others: I would put it to you that a more plausible cause for any perceived change of character that someone as thick-skinned as yourself may have picked up on:- was that I’d become utterly pissed off with your habitual indolence. What also rankles is your over-inflated opinion of your personal contributions to Waqqaz – being so important to the process that you are blissfully unaware of who the drummer actually was (no it wasn’t ‘Clinka’ – I’d sacked him by then, no it wasn’t ‘George (?)’ either, or anyone else that you mention for that matter)?

I rest my case m’lud.

For the record, the primary reason why I don’t want to waste my time talking to the likes of yourself (and that doesn’t equate to being a recluse), dates back to the day you paid a little flying visit to Bebside and purloined approximately two-thirds of my album collection – a heinous crime to perpetrate on a music lover, as I’m sure you’ll agree, selective or crap memory notwithstanding.

On a more positive note I am pleased that you intend to get everything out into the public domain, that’s just great – go for it. I can think of no more appropriate place than your website, and I do mean that most sincerely. I’m in possession of the entire Chaos tape archive (including videos) and would be keen to hand it all over to your most worthy cause, but the very thought of meeting up with such a dishonourable chap as yourself makes me feel slightly queasy.

Q: What’s the difference between Strangely Perfect and a bucketful of phlegm?

A: The bucket.

I thank you: Please feel free to publish this communication in its entirety on your website, or print it out and stuff it up your arse; whatever takes your fancy.

Regards, Doomsie.

New Pictures of Crawling Chaos

I’ve received some extra information from Holly today with some extra photos that should be a bit interesting for those of a historical bent! Any descriptions are left to right.